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When Angels Fly ~ ExcerptI sat with Sam, spoke to him, and caressed his left arm and his cheeks. I gave him mama kisses and I prayed. Sam just wasn’t getting any better and all that’s happening was too much for his thin little body. No child should suffer this way.The ICU doctors wanted to re-intubate Sam this afternoon and they wanted me to leave his bedside, which of course I refused to do. Sam was paralyzed and awake; they finally got the new tube in on the third try. I spoke comforting words to Sam while they were doing this, and Sam cried so much. Sam cried through closed eyes for at least an hour after this procedure. Tears kept pouring down his cheeks and I kept trying to comfort him. What five-year old needs this kind of pain? What five year old needs to be this scared? Lord that must have been scary as hell for him as well as the pain and hurt inflicted upon him. Sam had to be kept at 70% oxygen and when he was tried at 60% the oxygen saturations dropped fast. Sam
When Angels Fly ~ ExcerptDr. Tadman placed his hand on my shoulder in a gesture that told me Eli wasn’t going to make it just as I knew this in my heart. Eli went into PICU twelve days ago with soft tissue in his lungs (normal) and two weeks later, his lung tissue had turned into cardboard-thick tissue fully scarred. It is really impossible to ventilate that much lung tissue damage; and lungs don’t heal. The day long wait to get Eli some platelets flown in from Winter Park was too long and the scarring in his lungs won’t improve. Eli has opened his eyes three times thus far today and each time he looked at me. Each time I told Eli, “I love you” and he nodded his head in agreement. I asked Eli if he was hurting and he shook his head no. I think Eli is trying to protect me yet again – this five year old little boy on a ventilator telling me he didn’t hurt when I knew damn well he had to be hurting. I am the mom – I am