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When Angels Fly ~ ExcerptSeptember 30, 1990 – SundayEli had a totally horrid night yet again. Although Eli and I are both exhausted, I know he must be so much more exhausted. I kept on praying, frightened at the same time. Eli’s temperature spiked to 106 degrees more than once and I was so afraid Eli would have a seizure and die. Nothing helped to reduce his temperature. I knew deep inside this wasn’t going to end well at all. Platelets are now down to 16,000 and so Eli needs platelets really badly. Every time Eli threw up, bright red blood also came out. His heart rate shot up to 200 beats per minute at times and he de-saturated to the 60’s. Eli needed oxygen both asleep and awake. He was spiraling downward out of control and all I could was to give my little boy care, love, and prayers. When Dr. Landon came in this morning he said he wanted to try Amphotericin and Bactrim both IV and then “see how it goes.” I said
When Angels Fly ~ ExcerptI put Eli to bed at 8:30 PM as he was so tired and Noah followed an hour later. Then I lay down for some sleep but Noah came in to see me as soon as I turned off the light. He lay down next to me and for two and a half hours he asked me a lot of questions about Eli, death, and dying. I had to tell him all I knew and give him as much comfort as I could. Noah asking these kinds of questions made the reality of Eli dying too much of a possibility. I told Noah about Heaven and he said his father had told him there wasn’t a Heaven. I know Henry doesn’t believe in God but I sure do and I tried to get Noah to understand. Finally, he seemed satisfied and went to bed.
When Angels Fly ~ ExcerptMay 22, 1990 – Tuesday – (11 Radiation Sessions Left)Eli woke up at 6 AM just like me this morning and he was hungry again! That was just great and he had leftover watermelon so he ate that and some applesauce. Then my silly little boy opened a packet of mayonnaise and ate that too – just for the flavor! Eli loved the sheer taste of food since he was born and proof of that is in the mayonnaise packet that he ate. I just smiled. I loved seeing Eli really enjoying himself.
When Angels Fly ~ ExcerptI phoned EU and spoke with Marci, Eli’s nurse and with Eli. Marci and Eli know I will be back sometime today. Eli albeit barely a boy understands that I must protect Noah the best I can. Eli knew this was why I came to Englewood – so that I could keep Noah out of my mother’s clutches this summer. Eli understood that I was trying to ensure his brother stays cared for at Amy’s. Eli also wanted me back with him soonest, but he told me he also wanted, in his own words, “brother safe.” It broke my heart that Eli at age five years already knew so much about the bad things in life. Were my boys robbed of their childhood by Henry and my mother?
When Angels Fly - Book ExcerptI so want Eli to be like a normal child. I am so very SICK of people asking, “How do you do it?” or simply saying, “I don’t know how you do it.” Both of these comments really anger me – it is not like Eli or I or anyone else has a choice! Why did Eli have to be robbed of his childhood? I have so damn many questions! I pray Eli heals fast and has a happy time after treatment is complete.